I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
