i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
