Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
