you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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