We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
