At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
