To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The air taste purple.
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