He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
