is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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