yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
