Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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