That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
