He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
