fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
