I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
