No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
