whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
