So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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