i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
