Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
