How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
