You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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