help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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