i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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