K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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