It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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