The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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