my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
