He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
