the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
