just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
