I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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