You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
