I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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