I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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