Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
