we're blogging at a bar
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
