i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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