and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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