apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is my gift to your gina
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
