I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
