So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
