did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
