i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
