I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We left an ass print on the piano.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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