Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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