Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
