I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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