well you can't waste a boner
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
