I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
