I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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