I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
