On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
