I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
