Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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