I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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