Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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