thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
