he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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