I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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