Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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