We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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