dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
