i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found the puke drawer
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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