i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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