you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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