I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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