Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
