i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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