Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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