i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
