my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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