But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
