just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
