The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
