If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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