Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
