No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
