im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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