you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
