I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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