dude i'm inner monologue high
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
