then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
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